It’s in our nature as humans to feel the need to have our strong and often times stubborn opinions heard. With two sides to every story, getting our point across more often than not comes as a double edged sword. Having a radical opinion can come with a price; every human and competitor alike knows what it’s like to “eat your own words”. With that being said, Pongstars.net sits down with “The Best in the Universe” Kevin Kessler, for his eagerly anticipated rebuttal to “The Interview” with Vince Catizone.
Pongstars.net: First, let me say what an honor it is to interview one of the greatest beer pong players ever. Pongstars wanted to sit down and ask you a few questions about your most recent win and hear your response to Vince Catizone’s latest interview. Did you happen to read that at all?
Kessler: Yeah I wasted five minutes of my day reading that nonsense. There was so much bullshit in that article, the only truth was when Vince said he sucked balls in our elimination game and when he said I was definitely one of the three best in the world.
Pongstars.net: After your response I am assuming the rumors are true and Moment of Truth is officially done?
Kessler: Yes I am officially done with that Brick monster. We had a great run and I carried us to a lot of victories and I always compared our team to the 90’s Bulls. I was Jordan and he was Will Purdue. That was definitely our last run and I actually didn’t even want to play this series with him but he gave me a deal that I couldn’t refuse.
Pongstars.net: What was the deal exactly?
Kessler: He offered to give me 75% of the winnings and he paid for my flight. I wasn’t originally going to take the deal because of his meltdown last year at WS 7 when skinny bitched him out for crossing the plane. Vince is a habitual plane crosser and Skinny was fed up with it during the Kingsbury/Dillon game. Skinny basically Mortal combatted his ass and ripped his heart right out of his chest. After the incident Vince couldn’t hit a cup, brick after brick after brick. I figured with Skinny no longer in the picture he wouldn’t have to worry about getting bitched out again….I unfortunately decided to give him another chance.
Pongstars.net: Was it tough dropping your friend? I know you guys are pretty close?
Kessler: That’s the misconception, Vince is just another fan/groupie like most. I really don’t like the kid that much and rooming with him is terrible because he smells like bad parmesan cheese. Of all my major partners the only one who was worse than Vince was Chichester. At least Vince didn’t run me an $189.00 credit card bill on Porn. Chichester is a creepy dude and he would run back to the room in between games to rub one out. He said something like it made the nerves go away, there were literally cum socks all over the room like mines in an Iraqi desert. Never again!!!
Pongstars.net: Ok well we got a little off topic there, anyways, can you tell me what the deciding factor on the split was?
Kessler: Well it was actually two things, one being I shot three perfect games on day two and when I finally missed in game four he was furious at me. I actually thought he was joking until he had one of his notorious roid rages and punched me right in the face(see picture below). The second thing was the famous chicken choking game against Taggert and Mark C. They are both known to choke under the pressure so I brought a chicken to the table that I borrowed from Marx…..I thought the game was in the bag. We wound up getting eliminated by those bums and I was pretty pissed. The burn didn’t officially kick in until Chelsie Dallman sent me the video of the game later that night. She informed me not to watch it and Said “Vince is terrible. At one point he bricked 5 straight shots.” I opened the video and got sick to my stomach knowing that once again Vince lost me $50,000. I decided it was time for a change and no bribe could stop that from happening.
Pongstars.net: Vince actually called you a choke artist. Can you comment on that?
Kessler: A choke artist doesn’t win two $10,000 tournaments, The East Coast Beer Pong Championships, one $2,500 tournament, and a few one K’s all in an eight month span.. ….RIGHT???
Pongstars.net: I know you are considered one of the “Best in the world” and probably have a few options lined up. Who will you be playing future majors with?
Kessler: Well actually many say I am the “Best in the Universe”, not just the world. So you could imagine the big names that all have been trying to partner with me. Ross, Marx, Will Smith, The Beibs, and JJ Redick to name a few. After destroying the field again this past weekend Marx and I are going to keep the win streak going and plan on winning a few more later this year.
Pongstars.net: Do you have any last words for Vince?
Kessler: Na we squashed it. He apologized to me for talking shit and bought my drinks all weekend. I even let him get a picture with my trophy.